Bismillah hir Rehmanir Raheem!
All women living in western countries, who do not have any help from spouse or family members or servants, & can testify to one thing: we all struggle with maintaining the cleanliness of our homes, cooking schedule, etc.
We try our level best to have food ready on time daily, but some times it just doesn’t happen. Some times food just gotta come from outside & if budget doesn’t allow then it has to be bread, butter & jam!
We try our level best to have home perfectly clean & organized all the time, but we cannot work like robots. Some times we just have to let it be bad for the sake of our sanity & health.
Whether we are using organizing charts/ lists or not. Whether we work/study or are full time home makers. We all have our imperfect moments. Yet, majority of us (who are married) have one thing in common: a complaining husband (e.g. food isn’t ready, house is a mess, etc etc.).
There is a very legitimate question : who gave these men this idea that perfect women exist who are able to keep home super clean all the time, nice food ready on time daily, etc?
In my opinion: it’s all thanks to media & women in Indo-Pak who are blessed with servants.
Men need to realize that perfect women don’t exist. Even the ones on media, they don’t show their real self…they don’t show their imperfection. And our beloved sisters back home who have servants, are not perfect either – it’s the servants who do the job, not they themselves. Our homes will be spot less too if all we have to do is order someone to do the household chores & then sleep :p (just kidding, I know a lady has to take care of kids too).
Once men realize that ALL WOMEN are struggling with it, I hope each man will stop complaining about his wife. The constant complaining of men, looks a small matter BUT IT ISN’T. It affects a marriage VERY BADLY. How?
Husband thinks wife doesn’t care about house, cooking, etc, which all mean a lot to him – then he automatically thinks that it means she doesn’t care about me. On the other side, after having so much self struggle & dealing with kids when wife hears her husband always complaining she feels unappreciated. It creates undue stress for women; “ah if I don’t cook he will get upset again..I don’t want him to get upset but baby is not leaving me, back is hurting, etc.” On both sides resentment builds. Why can’t she do these things? Why doesn’t he understand my situation?
Another biggest problem is men comparing themselves with their wives: I also go to work no matter if I am tired or not in mood – why can’t you do house work in the same way DAILY???
Answer is simple: Allah made men & women separately – differently. Men happily take the duty of being a leader of the house & order around, how can they forget why they are leaders? Because women are weak (in some aspects) and need care takers. So our husbands are our CARE TAKERS.
Women go through a lot during periods, pregnancy (when they are carrying a baby within them 24/7) & after baby. Our bodies are delicate/sensitive & so are our emotions. We cannot work like robots, that’s just not how we are built. And if we try to act like a robot, a time comes when our body gives up. Allah made us different than men.
A man gets off from work but a home maker is ALWAYS ON DUTY.
Last but not least, many men think house chores to be pretty easy and constantly utter words like “it just takes 2 mins” etc. With all due respect to our beloved and respectable husbands, if it just takes two minutes please do bismillah and go for it 😀
Solution to this: Understand & respect differences. If men can’t help around the house for whatever reason, then they should learn to at least control their tongues and don’t utter the words that scar the homes they live in (their wives’ hearts). Sisters if husbands don’t agree to these facts, it is okay… as long as we ourselves know that it is not only “me”…. I am not the only one struggling….I am not the only imperfect soul. Don’t let men’s remarks destroy our self esteem and identity. As long as we are giving our best there is nothing to be upset about, ALLAH knows it all. As for what husbands think (I won’t say their thinking doesn’t matter, because it really does kill wives psychologically and emotionally), make du’a…..lots of du’a.
May Allah help all of us to understand the differences & respect them and make each other’s life peaceful & as easy as possible in this duniya aameen
Note: the intention behind this post is not to encourage sisters to be lazy :p but to encourage men to accept their wives fully & realize that all women are struggling in this regard, so it’s not only their wife. And for sisters to understand that they are not alone in this, so don’t be sad 🙂
